After a day of ukay shopping and shopping for things my brother may need for school, which I will be shipping off tomorrow, I decided to check on my old connections. By that, I mean checking out on my old friends back in elementary, high school, etc. All went well, of course, some of them from ugly duckling grew to beautiful swans and the ones that were hot before are now yuck to the highest level. Anyhow, I decided to check on my past lovers as well, to my surprise hardly any of them graduated college. Some of them are still in college because of, I don’t know, failing each semester, losing grip on ambition, OD-ing with drugs and being a daddy! Yes my friends, these are the paths that some of my former flings and exes are now experiencing. After being at awe at their state, I just realized; hey I have a fucking job, even though it sucks, I’m still making an income that’s good enough for a starter like me. I have my ambition, my degree, my looks and right mind to be who ever I fucking want to be without being tied down with any-friggin’-thing!

 I’m so glad I thought of checking on my past. I’m grateful that God led me to where I am supposed to be. Maybe my dream job is making things hard for me right now because I have to learn a lot. I know it’s out there waiting for me. I can feel it. I just gotta work my way up that ladder of success and I'll be waving my flag of happiness to the highest heavens.

Another thing i'd like to add, I soooooooo believe in KARMA.

He answered my tears and pains every single time when I asked him to make me feel better. Now, I’m not saying these guys deserved all what happened to them, no they actually don't. They just ended up giving in and making wrng decisions that led them there. I know that they are learning a lesson and in a way are happy.  I’m just blankly at awe right now because when one asks for justice they get it in a different way but those that were given the punishment are learning things in a new way; it’s a win-win situation when you look at it in a quite different perspective. I’m not acting cocky either, I’m just happy that those nights of prayers to him asking for guidance in doing my college projects well, keeping my family safe, my health, my ambition on the right track, everything was given to me inch by inch with my hardships of education and learning in exchange. I certainly know now how weak and vulnerable people can be to pain and negativity. One has to be strong to act stronger. I need to be stronger!

One question that rolled into my mind on my way home;

Why does money have to evolve around everything?!

Seriously, it has been the third day since I felt so stressed and burned out form work! Not my scene much, again I repeat I love Integreon but going home burnt out isn’t one of the perks I signed up for. Im having one of those stressful-i-want-to-be-sucessful-rant moments, I really need to grow up!

I always envisioned myself after a year in college working for an advertising agency like LOWE or Burnett, sigh; expectancy can always lead you to a dead end. Aside from the fact that I’m earning hardly enough for the things I want to buy, I just get frustrated.

I have also been thinking of selling my soul to the caller-center devil to sustain my yearning of earning more mullah but then again beggars can’t be choosers. I guess, I simply have to just stick it in!

I have to admit though, I’m jealous of the other people especially those from my batch because they’re becoming somebody, what the hell am I becoming? No one! What does life have for me, I just wanna peek into that looking glass and glance at what my future is after 20 somewhat years.

Le boyfriend and I had a stint again, an argument sortof. Well, not to be a blasphemous girlfriend; I just can’t get the fact that he won’t go to major extents to be with me. I know that what I’m about to say is lame and one sided but I’ll just swing it. I expect Miguel to treat me like someone he’ll lose in a second. Someone that he doesn’t want to lose, I want him by my side the moment I call him. I want him to make waves getting to me, I want major attention because I am, I admit, an attention grabbing whore! Like for instance, if I ring him and want to have dinner with him; even if he’s halfway home, I want him going back for me just to spend a few minutes with me. The biggest things matter but the most quaintest of the quaintest is what always counts. I know assurance when I see it but then assurance isn’t always enough, I want the travelling from one end to another attention; that way I know the feeling are real.

Sigh, but Miguel isn’t like that though. He’d rant and complain, but I still love him for that because he’s not trying to be someone he’s not. Although the love is there, I’d prefer him to try and be that someone I want him to be. I want him to go to the maximum extent of showing me he cares. I know he does at times and to him doing things his way, is the maximum extent but it doesn’t to me. Yes, I appreciate the effort but I want more; I want Miguel to be cheesy sometimes, I want him to be spontaneous and surprising, not that I’m complaining about the times we spent together but those dates could’ve been better.

I wonder when Miguel will be taking the reins, bring me to a place that’s uberly romantic without him whining about this or that, sigh.

Anyhow, I think I said enough though, too much ranting isn’t good for the health.

It has definitely been weeks and weeks since I last blogged or even wrote anything except for my day to day schedules on my trusty organizer and text messages to my “oh-so-loving-boyfriend” that always manages to keep me upto my toes. Anyhow, the past few weeks has been great and mayhem as well. Lovelife has been going great except le boyfriend and I have only been seeing each other during weekends and sometimes during weekdays as well because of our schedule. We’d have dinner and he’d drop me off to work whenever he gets off work early but sometimes during those days we’re both really tired.

Anyhow updates on new company, Integreon; I just love it. I like the people, the job and the way they treat you. It’s not one bit as complicated like my job back at affinity. I’d love to work for a company that really appreciates your hard work and effort. The plus factor on the job is that you get to do a lot of helpful things that make the whole process a working flow order. Yes, there are the perks of the job and the lowdowns of it but aside from that, I simply loves it.

Anyways I thinking being put on the reserve team was a blessing in disguise because if I wasn’t in put in that team; I wouldn’t be at integreon, at least I got one thing ticked off my list of to-do’s for this year and one of them was to work in Makati. I got my hair shorten, that’s off. I shed off a few pounds which is good, got to wear a bikini which was swell and started saving money for my future which is another swell thing for me.

I miss my friends and the person I get to be as around them, I miss getting baliw and laughing like a crack-whore whenever a joke comes up; most of he time now I just feel so grown up and I like that; it’s a good thing but I don’t know if im ready to be a grown up. I want to be crazy and wild but I can’t because of the image I might put out there. I miss being me and sometimes I just realize I’m not in college anymore, I’m not in high school and I can’t be insane anymore; I need to act professional to be a professional and be respected for that.

Anyhow; some of my aspirations for this year are coming true and so to speak I love every bit of it. I hope things will get even better soon; fingers crossed. I still have to save up for design school and my insurance plan as well.

I have finally been able to sit back, rest and enjoy a cupa tea tilting the keys of the laptop. Anyhow, I’ve been real busy with work in a different kinda way though. Well, with the new job at ayala, it’s not different from my last stint at ortigas. It’s just a temporary job, 3months basically for the sister company of affinity which is integreon. They’re like the back door of everything done in banks anyhow not going into details about that because I might be held liable for breeching my contract with them. It’s supposedly confidential and I will not be sharing details about my stint at Integreon. Awgh, it’s killing, I cannot do this. Being silent for 3 whole months? And not sharing till it’s over; it’s like keeping me in a padded room with no one to talk to but my brain.

Anyhow, it’s sharing time about my first week at Integreon. Ok, affinity has a pretty big office but compared to Integreon, I’m sorry affinity, it’s gorgeous and so professional. I enjoy my work colleagues and managers as well. It may be strict but I don’t mind or even care because I’m learning something new and being disciplined at the same time.

Last Saturday, I went ukay shopping around malate; I loved it. I spent a total of 1240 but it was all worth it. I bought 3 skirts, 4 slacks, 1 blouse, and 2 blazers. Anyways, I came in fashionably early at work last Monday. One thing I love about working at Makati and my office is the adamant rule to be prompt and on time, dressed up professionally and forward all at the same sequence. This is true; I myself tried and compared the two sides of being an artist and a professional artist at the same time. It’s the mind-play that the differs the two jobs, I mean, I wake up real early these days because of the excitement to mark my day as gorgeous and professional as I can be. I just love this feeling. In comparison to affinity however, I guess I was rather hesitant whenever I went to work. It used to be a much weighed feeling but now it isn’t, I have no idea. I just know that I love my current stint right now.

Anyhow since my previous entry about the stint with my brother and dad, I just allowed it to surpass me. My dad arrived last week as well and we pretty much bonded during the time he was here. I even plucked up the courage to tell him about Miguel and at first he was kinda dwelling at the thought of his princess getting married but then he said that he’d like to meet him. Well, coming home from dinner outside, I can’t say much because of course, my oh-so-loving boyfriend just couldn’t make it. Work was in the way and my dad was kinda disappointed as well, which is a bad thing. I can’t believe Miguel allowed his opportunity to be blown off! It just pisses me off. I mean, he could’ve followed at kamayan but he didn’t and it was just so effin irritating. Sometimes, I just don’t want to listen to his emo-workload-bullshit. It just sounds so un-necessary, and tonight just drew the line. I know I should understand but blowing off this whole evening just ticked me off. One thing really got me to my edge was when he told me he wasn’t dressed up! I mean, ok, Miguel has his own style but homey, you are going to meet my father. He looks to your outer appearance and judges you out right. Anyhow, he wasn’t dressed up at work! I was so irritated, because he definitely knew he’d be working late at his office but no, he still went to work with a 50/50 mindset. Then he tells me that he’ll meet my dad tomorrow before he leaves, the hell is that? A quick talk and chat can’t help besides my dad will be leaving early as well so meeting him won’t benefit Miguel in any way. He’d be just wasting his time.

Well, tomorrow after my father leaves, I’ll be hitting ukay stores at Pasay and hopefully will find something awesome. Cheers to me! Will update tomorrow, Night guys!