Amby-Savvy Thoughts

Funny blooper day!

2009-11-19T11:29:43Z

Another day has ended, a work-full-loaded day. Thank God my hotness chic boss wasn’t around because I absolutely got wasted from booze last night. I suggest drinking during weekends is better than drinking during weekdays. I hardly could even get off my bed this A.M – body is still sore by the way.

What new though? I seriously missed blogging, ever since I started working at Starfish; my social life and lovelife has gone down the ditches. Especially now that I’m training for a new post at the company, it’s sick. Last weekend, when I felt the urge to party and drink (like after a year of soberness) I pretty much realized how effin’ much I missed socializing. It’s the best rubbing-shoulder experience in the entire world next to snogging of course. (Nothing can beat that experience, it’s both good and bad)

“Funny blooper client” is the best highlight of the day, like this morning. I sent our client, let us tag him as MR. Dutch, and he called at 9 in the morning and was requesting to have the updated WebPages sent over to him. This I did, then all of a sudden, 30m ins later he called back and said, “Natalie, I did not receive it, the webpages, oh wait a minute here it is, here it is, thank you bye bye” I hardly said anything and he took the words out of my mouth.

Anyhow, I will be rushing home now. Just finished some designs for the client and decision day tomorrow on which one they like. Good luck with me!

Back in time and zoom again

2009-08-14T17:50:10Z

First and foremost, I quit my last job and got a new one right away. I'm currently a web designer and absolutely loving every bit of my job. There are it's ups and down but i'm sure as hell satisfied as to where I am right now. I know that I always envisioned myself in fashion and meeting clients, being all fashionista like etc but now it's a totally different ball game. I just went to my first client briefing yesterday and damn was I happy! I felt so eager to share with the clients my design proposal and everything. It was like having me pop out of my tiny cubicle and raging war against the world with my paintbrush. angard I say!

Anyhow, the company I work for is Starfish Internet Solutions and we service webpages to various clients. It's nice knowing that I get to be creative and excel in that field. I just love it. Anyhow my baby wooofie is bothering me to go to sleep and I think that's what I'm gonna be doing. Will be at the kenny rogers urbanite run tomorrow.

Excited For you!

2009-07-15T18:24:33Z

For P3,000.00.
I am excited to meet you.
I can't wait to hug and cuddle you every single day that we both will share.
It's just you and me against the world from the next weekend onwards.
I will never leave you.
I promise.
I will be your mommy and you will be my baby.

You guys can't be guessing what that babys' gonna be huh?!

Mingling Ambition---on Hold

2009-06-23T20:12:35Z

I had another one of those talks with Miguel and obviously I cried, what’s new. We talked and I just told him I was frustrated with my job and the feeling of not growing as a designer visually, creatively. I was told by a certain someone that I should take the reins of my life and mentor myself, be strong. I don’t know how to be strong right now. I feel so fragile and whenever I think I’m feeling alright, I get pulled down. It’s like a magnetic pull automatically reacting on me whenever I feel alright.

I told Miguel that maybe I need a change in lifestyle and path perhaps. He said that he doesn’t see me inclined to that industry and I would always want to create ideas visually, which is true for a fact but I have never forgotten the 3 solid goals I want to accomplish before I reach 40:

Goal 1: To be a known art director and work for a reputable ad agency
Goal 2: To be able to set-up my own concept and design agency
Goal 3: To be able to have my own apparel brand.

Fashion has always been a statement for me. I was raised embracing my curves and for years I worked into making myself look good no matter what. I know, I have taste and flare. I suddenly thought of fashion because the “what ifs” in my head starting circling. What if I don’t get to work in an ad agency? What if I’m stuck as a no-one for the rest of my life? What if I just end up in a call centre like the others? This is all so very hard for me; I swear. I’m certainly not used to this because everything used to be layed out in front of me before I’d even touch them. Awgh. I think I need to resist all the trauma and drama right now, that’s why I opted to take up a fashion design class in pattern-making this July hopefully I’ll have enough money by then to afford it.

G’night, I’ll be watching transformers tomorrow morning.

A path to realization

2009-06-21T19:10:30Z

It’s amazing how our lives pace off in different directions not knowing what will happen tomorrow. I definitely just realized that now. One has to totally seclude his/herself from the binding thoughts of negativity and anxiety. I know that through the past couple of weeks, I’ve been ranting and raving, almost yelling my head off with hate and anger for everyone happiness. Anyhow, I just realized I’m not the only unlucky person in this entire universe. I swear to God, and I’m sorry I included you in one of my entries as unfair; you are not unfair, you are giving.

After a day of ukay shopping and shopping for things my brother may need for school, which I will be shipping off tomorrow, I decided to check on my old connections. By that, I mean checking out on my old friends back in elementary, high school, etc. All went well, of course, some of them from ugly duckling grew to beautiful swans and the ones that were hot before are now yuck to the highest level. Anyhow, I decided to check on my past lovers as well, to my surprise hardly any of them graduated college. Some of them are still in college because of, I don’t know, failing each semester, losing grip on ambition, OD-ing with drugs and being a daddy! Yes my friends, these are the paths that some of my former flings and exes are now experiencing. After being at awe at their state, I just realized; hey I have a fucking job, even though it sucks, I’m still making an income that’s good enough for a starter like me. I have my ambition, my degree, my looks and right mind to be who ever I fucking want to be without being tied down with any-friggin’-thing!

I’m so glad I thought of checking on my past. I’m grateful that God led me to where I am supposed to be. Maybe my dream job is making things hard for me right now because I have to learn a lot. I know it’s out there waiting for me. I can feel it. I just gotta work my way up that ladder of success and I'll be waving my flag of happiness to the highest heavens.

Another thing i'd like to add, I soooooooo believe in KARMA.

He answered my tears and pains every single time when I asked him to make me feel better. Now, I’m not saying these guys deserved all what happened to them, no they actually don't. They just ended up giving in and making wrng decisions that led them there. I know that they are learning a lesson and in a way are happy. I’m just blankly at awe right now because when one asks for justice they get it in a different way but those that were given the punishment are learning things in a new way; it’s a win-win situation when you look at it in a quite different perspective. I’m not acting cocky either, I’m just happy that those nights of prayers to him asking for guidance in doing my college projects well, keeping my family safe, my health, my ambition on the right track, everything was given to me inch by inch with my hardships of education and learning in exchange. I certainly know now how weak and vulnerable people can be to pain and negativity. One has to be strong to act stronger. I need to be stronger!

To everyone that has their dream jobs

2009-06-11T03:29:37Z

The maker loves you and I friggin' get it!
Anyways, I hope you lose it!

unfair!

2009-06-09T05:57:18Z

WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!
It is so bloody unfair!
I hate this feeling!
I want a new job!

frustration

2009-06-08T00:53:12Z

I tried to keep my depression and sadness in for the past couple of days but this tretcherous frustration keeps peeling inside me. I hate my job, I just hate it because I am not solely growing as a visualizer. I am not one of those people that would settle for just this and that! I am not like all people! I hate this! I can't see why god would give the other people there their dream jobs and subject me to this frustration and make things hard for me! Yes, I blame god because he doesn't listen! He never does! He'll listen to others and not me! I am tired of this, if I don't get a new job this year and stay glued to this sick job, I am gonna meet that maker of mine and tell him how unfair he is! I hate everyone that has their dream job! I hate them! I hate all of you! I wish all of you die and die and die all over again!

screw it!

2009-05-25T04:21:11Z

I feel selfish, why? because apparently, I have everything in the world and
I don't seem satisfied about it. I'm a selfish bitch!
I want a career in advertising or fashion but
I can never have both worlds naman.
Why are there those fucking articles and sayings,
-"if you think you can do it you can reach it" bullshit!!!!
Who ever came up with crack like this is a fucker! Fuck everything!
Useless world which has nothing in it for me!

Pass away

2009-05-24T16:30:08Z

I want to die and be forgotten in this world. Somehow, I don't seem happy, I try to hide it but I still can't. Various nights I would cry myself to sleep why? Because unfortunately I have no where to go but down. The people surrounding me seem to have everything good going for them except for me. I haven't the angst or capacity to go where they're going. Even though I try I cannot. I don't have the energy to. I want a happy career, I want money and stress [the good kind] but to no avail, I just don't seem good enough to even try. I hate myself, I guess a person like me with no talent and un-ripend ability that has no imagination to sustain creativity. Who the hell am I kidding though. I'm majorly stupid and absolutely done for it. I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate the people I can't lean on to, I hate this world. I want it to end. I just want to cry and hug my mom and hear her tell me that I'm good and that I can go places because at this point in my life don't know where I belong.

I miss the people that believed in me, I miss the people that I could lean on to, I miss everyone. I hate this world, I hate my life! I want to die!

nathzkimeme @ 2009-04-24T01:28:00

2009-04-23T17:59:57Z

One question that rolled into my mind on my way home;

Why does money have to evolve around everything?!

Seriously, it has been the third day since I felt so stressed and burned out form work! Not my scene much, again I repeat I love Integreon but going home burnt out isn’t one of the perks I signed up for. Im having one of those stressful-i-want-to-be-sucessful-rant moments, I really need to grow up!

I always envisioned myself after a year in college working for an advertising agency like LOWE or Burnett, sigh; expectancy can always lead you to a dead end. Aside from the fact that I’m earning hardly enough for the things I want to buy, I just get frustrated.

I have also been thinking of selling my soul to the caller-center devil to sustain my yearning of earning more mullah but then again beggars can’t be choosers. I guess, I simply have to just stick it in!

I have to admit though, I’m jealous of the other people especially those from my batch because they’re becoming somebody, what the hell am I becoming? No one! What does life have for me, I just wanna peek into that looking glass and glance at what my future is after 20 somewhat years.

Le boyfriend and I had a stint again, an argument sortof. Well, not to be a blasphemous girlfriend; I just can’t get the fact that he won’t go to major extents to be with me. I know that what I’m about to say is lame and one sided but I’ll just swing it. I expect Miguel to treat me like someone he’ll lose in a second. Someone that he doesn’t want to lose, I want him by my side the moment I call him. I want him to make waves getting to me, I want major attention because I am, I admit, an attention grabbing whore! Like for instance, if I ring him and want to have dinner with him; even if he’s halfway home, I want him going back for me just to spend a few minutes with me. The biggest things matter but the most quaintest of the quaintest is what always counts. I know assurance when I see it but then assurance isn’t always enough, I want the travelling from one end to another attention; that way I know the feeling are real.

Sigh, but Miguel isn’t like that though. He’d rant and complain, but I still love him for that because he’s not trying to be someone he’s not. Although the love is there, I’d prefer him to try and be that someone I want him to be. I want him to go to the maximum extent of showing me he cares. I know he does at times and to him doing things his way, is the maximum extent but it doesn’t to me. Yes, I appreciate the effort but I want more; I want Miguel to be cheesy sometimes, I want him to be spontaneous and surprising, not that I’m complaining about the times we spent together but those dates could’ve been better.

I wonder when Miguel will be taking the reins, bring me to a place that’s uberly romantic without him whining about this or that, sigh.

Anyhow, I think I said enough though, too much ranting isn’t good for the health.

The Loveness of Me

2009-04-21T18:06:43Z

A day has lapsed and I feel uneasy about myself; one thing for sure is the fact that I'm utterly bored out of my life right now after the Integreon outing. Although I love working for the company and the people that I rub elbows with, I can't help but think about the other oppurtunities in stock for me during the next couple of years. Just a while ago; I had coffee with this person from Ayala Life who I got in connection with while re-opening my joint account with my father. Anyhow to detail my meeting with him and how he came about was when I visited the bank last week.
While standing inline for the teller, I couldn't help but notice the mid-thirties woman standing infront of me holding a cash book with a revolting amount of Php 486,898.64 in her account and in her hand a couple of thousand pesos bills. Then this got me thinking, she must be putting it away for some reason. Then it striked me. "I have no plans for my future!" Yes, I do have goals but long term plans monetary wise, I have not.
Then I looked around, there I saw a poster of an insurance plan that BPI was advertising and figured to ask the teller about it. Then after paying the said amount for the re-opening of the joint account, I was directed to a woman that handles the whole plan. After the briefing on the dividend per annum added if the said amount was remained for the next year and what-not, I was hesitant. Then she asked me where I worked, I said I worked for the BPO sector of AYALA, the LiveIt corp. Then she said that ayala life has an offer that by the age of 40, I can avail of 1 million pesos or 500,000. Obviously with those figures, I was astounded and interested as well.
I asked to be referred and then after a couple of minutes I get a call from this Leo-person asking me if I would like to meet up for coffee so he can go over the matter of the said insurance. I scheduled it for today and after the whole explanation I am convinced that I would want to avail of it. With an 8% per annum dividend and auarterly payment of Php 10,980, a total of 1,382,485.00 will be availed by the time I reach 40. A worthy investement which comes in a package of 3; the retirement plan, rider insurance and disability insurance all together and a guaranteed amount of 1 million pesos if something happens to me will be benefitted to my family directly.
A wise-investement I can re-cap; thus this is my motivation to work and be better at it. I don't want to work for life and a plus-factor would be investing the money I earn for my future is a good enough reason to keep on working. I was rather hesistant to avail of an insurance but a choice for an umbrella corporation that has done so much and has been in the scene for decades now, is a good enough reason to trust them.
After the whole conversation; I gave him my word that by july 16, I'll apply for the plan with the first quarter payment that I am going to be saving up for. I then started calculating the numbers in my head, a sum of 1900 per paycheck put aside would be good enough to reach every quarter payment. This was a good and bad deal for me though. The good side: I would be saving up for my future and learn how to balance my earnings and prioritize more on what I need and not want, The bad side: I would be stuck with the same company earning the same measley amount that I started out with. Thus, with the choice made to invest in my future which is important for me right now, I figured that if ever I would want to earn more; I'd have to be patient and concentrate on being better. If I'd want to get another job though, there's always the option of looking for a job first before I resign so I have another job waiting for me without being left redundant and irritated.
Anyhow, after all the drama and realization of my earnings going to nothing, that would cap up my investment for myself. Other new deals though would be the up and coming trip to boracay by june. I already booked for the tickets and trip for 2 with miguel. We will be celebrating our 6th month at boracay at the boracay mandarin hotel for 3 days and 2 nights. I'm pretty much excited and happy because I am going to be with my ruffie enjoying the sun and loving every minute of the trip with him! It'll be a mini-vacay-honeymoon altogether! :D I just feel that everything right now in my life is falling into place. I love the idea of maturing and being happy at the same time. This part of my life right now is exciting. I can't wait to be a better person!

update on me

2009-04-20T02:22:21Z

It has definitely been weeks and weeks since I last blogged or even wrote anything except for my day to day schedules on my trusty organizer and text messages to my “oh-so-loving-boyfriend” that always manages to keep me upto my toes. Anyhow, the past few weeks has been great and mayhem as well. Lovelife has been going great except le boyfriend and I have only been seeing each other during weekends and sometimes during weekdays as well because of our schedule. We’d have dinner and he’d drop me off to work whenever he gets off work early but sometimes during those days we’re both really tired.

Anyhow updates on new company, Integreon; I just love it. I like the people, the job and the way they treat you. It’s not one bit as complicated like my job back at affinity. I’d love to work for a company that really appreciates your hard work and effort. The plus factor on the job is that you get to do a lot of helpful things that make the whole process a working flow order. Yes, there are the perks of the job and the lowdowns of it but aside from that, I simply loves it.

Anyways I thinking being put on the reserve team was a blessing in disguise because if I wasn’t in put in that team; I wouldn’t be at integreon, at least I got one thing ticked off my list of to-do’s for this year and one of them was to work in Makati. I got my hair shorten, that’s off. I shed off a few pounds which is good, got to wear a bikini which was swell and started saving money for my future which is another swell thing for me.

I miss my friends and the person I get to be as around them, I miss getting baliw and laughing like a crack-whore whenever a joke comes up; most of he time now I just feel so grown up and I like that; it’s a good thing but I don’t know if im ready to be a grown up. I want to be crazy and wild but I can’t because of the image I might put out there. I miss being me and sometimes I just realize I’m not in college anymore, I’m not in high school and I can’t be insane anymore; I need to act professional to be a professional and be respected for that.

Anyhow; some of my aspirations for this year are coming true and so to speak I love every bit of it. I hope things will get even better soon; fingers crossed. I still have to save up for design school and my insurance plan as well.

My NEW Crazy Self

2009-03-24T19:48:33Z

It’s been a good two weeks and I’ve been terribly busy with work. Well, not really but the burnout notion of just doing logos is a “forever-turning-cycle-of-non-stop-boredom” Anyhow, since the past week, I must say that I have been really blunt with myself and so intuitive with my overwhelmed feeling of subsequently being in a mono-cycle, I dared to do the unexpected.

Yes My dear friends, I did have the ghastly angst to chop my layers off and walk around on my dainty toes, smiling and loving the wind breezing through my neck. It's a lovely feeling, I love the breeze battering against my "used-to-be-hidden swan" but now, no longer am I angered with the heat and sweat running through my hair. I love my new self and definitely, it is time to lounge my new mature look. Cheers everyone. I think I look pretty don't you? :D

Work Update/FUMES

2009-03-14T18:12:18Z

I have finally been able to sit back, rest and enjoy a cupa tea tilting the keys of the laptop. Anyhow, I’ve been real busy with work in a different kinda way though. Well, with the new job at ayala, it’s not different from my last stint at ortigas. It’s just a temporary job, 3months basically for the sister company of affinity which is integreon. They’re like the back door of everything done in banks anyhow not going into details about that because I might be held liable for breeching my contract with them. It’s supposedly confidential and I will not be sharing details about my stint at Integreon. Awgh, it’s killing, I cannot do this. Being silent for 3 whole months? And not sharing till it’s over; it’s like keeping me in a padded room with no one to talk to but my brain.

Anyhow, it’s sharing time about my first week at Integreon. Ok, affinity has a pretty big office but compared to Integreon, I’m sorry affinity, it’s gorgeous and so professional. I enjoy my work colleagues and managers as well. It may be strict but I don’t mind or even care because I’m learning something new and being disciplined at the same time.

Last Saturday, I went ukay shopping around malate; I loved it. I spent a total of 1240 but it was all worth it. I bought 3 skirts, 4 slacks, 1 blouse, and 2 blazers. Anyways, I came in fashionably early at work last Monday. One thing I love about working at Makati and my office is the adamant rule to be prompt and on time, dressed up professionally and forward all at the same sequence. This is true; I myself tried and compared the two sides of being an artist and a professional artist at the same time. It’s the mind-play that the differs the two jobs, I mean, I wake up real early these days because of the excitement to mark my day as gorgeous and professional as I can be. I just love this feeling. In comparison to affinity however, I guess I was rather hesitant whenever I went to work. It used to be a much weighed feeling but now it isn’t, I have no idea. I just know that I love my current stint right now.

Anyhow since my previous entry about the stint with my brother and dad, I just allowed it to surpass me. My dad arrived last week as well and we pretty much bonded during the time he was here. I even plucked up the courage to tell him about Miguel and at first he was kinda dwelling at the thought of his princess getting married but then he said that he’d like to meet him. Well, coming home from dinner outside, I can’t say much because of course, my oh-so-loving boyfriend just couldn’t make it. Work was in the way and my dad was kinda disappointed as well, which is a bad thing. I can’t believe Miguel allowed his opportunity to be blown off! It just pisses me off. I mean, he could’ve followed at kamayan but he didn’t and it was just so effin irritating. Sometimes, I just don’t want to listen to his emo-workload-bullshit. It just sounds so un-necessary, and tonight just drew the line. I know I should understand but blowing off this whole evening just ticked me off. One thing really got me to my edge was when he told me he wasn’t dressed up! I mean, ok, Miguel has his own style but homey, you are going to meet my father. He looks to your outer appearance and judges you out right. Anyhow, he wasn’t dressed up at work! I was so irritated, because he definitely knew he’d be working late at his office but no, he still went to work with a 50/50 mindset. Then he tells me that he’ll meet my dad tomorrow before he leaves, the hell is that? A quick talk and chat can’t help besides my dad will be leaving early as well so meeting him won’t benefit Miguel in any way. He’d be just wasting his time.

Well, tomorrow after my father leaves, I’ll be hitting ukay stores at Pasay and hopefully will find something awesome. Cheers to me! Will update tomorrow, Night guys!

amen!!!

2009-03-06T10:12:29Z

I DID IT

AND I MOST CERTAINLY

GOT IN!!

I love this feeling!

change of scene finally!

I'M GONNA BE NEAR HOME

AND MY BABY!!!

Logo wuhhh?

2009-03-05T05:53:44Z

It’s Red Flag day for me. Amen to that. Ever since I started having sex all over again, duhhh new relationship right and no more FUBUs’, I was 3 days late but what the hell, I’m not bloating anymore. Thoughts have been driving through my head last week like, “What if I’m going to be a mommy?” or “What shit is gonna happen to me?
I wouldn’t know what to do if I got pregnant. I would ram my head through the wall if I do. I resent being a mom, the idea of it gives me that endless pit in my stomach and that rock hard ache in my throat that I can’t seem to swallow.
I can’t imagine myself a mother, I would be a terrible mom for that matter. I know some women are just born with that motherly desire and whatnot but hello?! FYI. Does anyone have any idea of what a devil child I was back then? I’m still that Satan child now but what the hell people love me for being crazy eh? My mom can testify to that, I can just imagine my daughter or son cursing me in their thoughts and imagining my death through and through.
Anyhow, I had a phone interview with a white guy and Indian dude from Integreon and boy did I wanna laugh hard. The Indian guy asked me if I were asked to layout a logo and felt lazy to trace it in illustrator what would I do if the client asked me to do it in word?
I was like, “I doubt there would be anyway of making a logo in word for that matter, but I wouldn't slack off work though. I’d still have the drive to trace it because it’s a job order per ce.”
The white guy said, “no we were referring to, for example if you were too lazy to trace a logo would you look for it in the website?”
and there I totally understood the Indian guys’ question, I wanted to tell that Indian guy, "dude man, I grew up around your people, why ask a different question when you mean something else? my Indian friends don't ask questions that way!"
I didn't say that, of course, I said, “Oh, so that’s what you meant, hahaha. Anyhow, what I would do is that I’d go to a site that has a vault of high-resolution logos, download it and open it in illustrator. After that I’d take out the ones not needed for the logo itself and give it to the client. That’s what I would do.”
Then that’s how the whole interview took place. I had fun actually, I gave them a lot of perky Natalie if I could say so myself. I hope I get considered; I’d love to work for them. It’d boost up my resume, working for a multi-million dollar account. I mean even if the pay is low, I wouldn’t mind at all. It’s the reference I’m after.

sad and disappointed

2009-03-04T05:08:51Z

I’m disappointed with myself, I doubt that I did a good job at the exam I took for the sister company of affinity. My chances are tarnished as of now, why? Well, for one thing I took forever in vectoring this logo and should I quote Ma’am Princess, “Hala, luge na ang integron sa’iyo”
Translation much, “Integron will go bankrupt because of you” Sigh, I really wanted to work in makati so I could be closer to home and to Miguel but I guess I’ll have to stick at rushing to work everyday.

This, of course, is my fault. Why? Because I’m slow in everything! One thing you gotta learn about being a graphic artist you should be a fast worker, not slow but fast. Everything needs to be done in short sequences. Nothing will happen if you’re a slow person. Thus, I concluded, this stint of an occupation can never apply to me because of my stupid nature of being slow! Kill self now.

Weekend Sleepover

2009-02-22T16:17:15Z

Lousy and silly me ever! i haven't been keeping my blog updated so boo for moi! Anyhow, bfs' mom went to bicol because her brother visited from the states and ruffie invited me over for the weekend since we hadn't been having any quality time withour work schedule. Anywho, I'm writing this entry before hitting the sack with ruffie so cheers, more details tomorrow I guess! Cheers

Good Nightie people! Frufru and ruffie!

Down-to-Hell

2009-01-30T10:41:52Z

I haven't been in the mood lately to blog about anything. I'm rather frustrated with my life right now, I have been gaining weight, a person that reminds me of an ewok has been losing a tremendous amount of weight. Another thing, I feel so irritated as well because a few friends of mine keep on repeating the phrases, "she had a bf and then she went totally gone.." I mean hello? do i not have the right to have a bf and give him my free time? My whole schedule is cluttered now, I'm irritated. Last year, I decided to buy an effin' planner to plan my week and keep it organized because I don't like have to reschedule events but my ideas just backfire and now my whole weekend is TRES MERDE, in translation, very shitty! I hate this weekend and by the way, I was just informed that our company is going to start retrenching so therefore, cross fingers, hope I get a job before my whole ladder tips off!
Catch You later guys, gotta meet the boyfriend later, he's down with the flu! Adious!

Fanatica-all-Over-Again!

2009-01-27T05:48:26Z

Basically after the past months have surpassed, a lot of life-changing events have taken place. For one of them is the self proclaimed "Britney Spears". I remember being 10years old and begging my mother to buy the CD, "Baby one more time" it came with a free poster that time. Anyhow, I was a self proclaimed britney-fanatic during those days, I would stay at home, mimicking her dance moves from baby on more time to toxic. I can even recall the ow rise jeans revealing the so called flat tummy and pairing it off with a pair of sketchers and tank-hanging top with the frizzy hair and absolutely glossing lips.

"ROCK HARD CONCERT AND ABS HERE WE COME!"

Every magazine issue I bought really had to have a britney written on it, my room was filled with her posters and I can never forget my mom yelling at me, "natalie, enough! britney spears ng britney spears ka dyan ha! Hala magaral!" *sigh* high school days definitely. Admittingly saying this, I am basically a Britney Fanatica all over again, I am really inspired to go "gaga" over this icon all over again, except this time it'll be in a more tasteful way! A tad bit of shindig and a lot of class! I'm currently obsessing over her new and latest album, "CIRCUS"

It's like she's fighting for all us women who've been trashed by our exes, basically the tables have turned and she's showing K-Fed that he can eat his hat out and goober all over her sexiness all over again! damn gold digger! No worries, as britney said, "I'm like the ringleader, i call the shots, i'm like firecracker I make it hot!" You go girl!! Plus she can dance like shit! I call 2 more vids and we got that hot-momma tearin' up the dancefloor!

Inconsiderate Basterds!!

2009-01-21T10:08:12Z

I loathe my job, I loathe the people that are around me, I loathe the people at my office but most of all I hate the people that scrutinize me for my social and self being! I understand crab mentality but power tripping isn’t an admirable fact when it comes to the word, “professionalism”.
You see, I have this boss who thinks he’s so-so, this and that, perfect and better than anyone in any angle, sometimes you’d just want to yell out, “ENOUGH ALREADY! WE GET IT” but most of the time he’s just an a-hole.
Ok my job as an outsourced graphic designer is mainly to execute ads according to instructions given. If there is definitely something wrong with the execution of the ad, I most certainly hold defense to the whole case scenario because it’s my concept and design that I’ve inputted and if the bosses don’t like it, what can i say? The client has every right I guess to hate it.
One thing however I don’t get is why these american fuckers [sorry for the term] will praise us with all our hard work and all of a sudden just pull the plug and say, “You’ve been doing real bad work and I doubt we’d want to work with AE anymore” It’s like WTTF[what the flying fuck] is that?
First issue was about the color toning, basically, the color setting in photoshop is dealt with various color content depending on the print of the output, the ad. All this while since Mid-July, we have been using the same goddamn color setting as the other teams in the company and then just 2 weeks ago they said that their color setting is different from theirs. Ok so that one was cleared out, we changed our color setting then.
Second Issue was about the spellings, ok this in our part would be our fault and we do take the fall for that
Third Issue would be the amount of time we’d spend working on one ad. Well, in my part, I do take a bit longer than usual because I like making what I do look good. But it’ss fucking unfair when they would blame me for something that isn’t in my hands? Last saturday I was working on an ad, basically I took longer than usual, why? because the mac’s here at the office don’t know how to cooperate with us people. I can’t help it if all 3 macs crashed and I was doing the ad for almost 3 1/2 hours!! I changed components 3 fucking times!!! Can’t you get it?! It’s no my fault if this stupid company can’t afford better fucking computers!! It’s not my fault if this fucking company can’t afford a better internet connection!
Fuckin’ basterds!! Everyone is pointing the goddamn finger on me basically of the wrong spelling, “propbably” instead of “probably”, I was in a fuckin’ hurry because of the damn deadline!! I hate this shit, everything is falling down on me and I can’t take this pressure!! I’m not used to pressure this bad! Plus my teamleader is all up my ass about my work, Fuck you bitch, who the hell are you to diss me about my work! You get your vocabulary right and i'll work on mine fucker!! I hate this shit!! I hate it all!!! Goddamn!!!

Beauty in the eye of Natalie

2009-01-09T10:44:11Z

Since Miguel and I became an item he's always been chipper and gracious about my mean bitch modes. For instance, we'd be having dinner at the mall and all of a sudden an overly amusing figure would pass us by and I would rant about the mismatched outfit, the horribly dark ankles, yucky shoes, fuggly face and he laughs like mad saying, "I just love it when you do that!" Doing that, he pertains on my splattering mean sentences and phrases like, "what a fug face, i would wear a paper bag over my head if I were her."
Anyhow, point of the entry, we got to talking and he asked me why is my perception on beauty is different from his. When he himself finds other women that pass us by pretty or beautiful and I think the exact opposite. Therefore, since my lovie keeps nagging about my perception on what is beautiful, I'd decided to tell all on beauty in my opinion.

Beauty by natalie (this is upon my perception, so those that would be offended please feel free to say whatever you want to)

Before I start elaborating on beautiful women, let me just say that I am straight and have no skeletons in my closet.

Women that work out an outfit and strut it like they're in their undies are what I find beautiful. I like women with big eyes that glisten when they stare, they say the eyes are the most tantalizing weapon a girl can use, proven and tested I must add. One would have the ability to use the "come hither" glance and sometimes one can mimic the cute eyes of Puss in Shrek. The perfect narrow nose, with the sleek curve. Anne hathaway and Scarlett Johanssens' noses are the ones I like best. The seductive pout, usually I gawk at women gifted with this body part. The jolie lips, the perfect pucker. High cheekbones that aren't rigid but have a bit of meat in them, they're what I call the smiley cheeks that are "pinch-able" on the apples. Next comes the body, I love physiques with broad shoulders; I find them really sexy and if I were a guy, it'd be the first thing I'd be kissing and nibbling on. The perfect round boobs that aren't too big nor too small, just right, like melons except not too protruding like pam anderson. Cinch waist and Round buttocks, I prefer the hour glass figure on women with the flat stomach and sexy pelvic lines, think Alba in "Into the Blue." Toned Legs with a gap in the middle, thin ankles and feet that aren't wadded (duck webbed feet) with ginger toes. Of course with a perfect physique and beautiful face, I like small faces by the way, must come with a great confident attitude and kick-ass brain cells. I mean, one should be well-versed in trivia and language to carry around the gorgeous face and mannequin figure, you wouldn't want to be called an airhead would you? A good fashion sense must come in handy as well, that's why my idol is audrey hepburn because she is the epitomy of what I perceive as a beautiful lady. I know I may sound one sided and materialistic because my ideology of beauty is just basing on the physicality of a person and not on the inert self as Tyra Banks would say but this is my perception. It maybe wrong in the eyes of others but it's Michelangelos' David for me. If I would be scrutinized for my idealistic vision on what beauty is then that person that quoted, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" should eat crap. I'm an artist and what I see beautiful in my eyes is my perception, if someone has a problem with it, all i have to ask is, "do you even see what I see and feel when I look at that piece of artwork?"
Yes, I refer to these beings as artwork because God himself molded the features of us beings, he was sculptor in his own religious way and made each one of us like this. We are all works of art that are basically made with on-purpose imperfections. I' have it in my imagination that God has a workshop in heaven where they sculpt the "soon-to-be-beings" and he'd walk around telling the angels to make each one of their works beautiful according to their perception. After they're done, they'd go through a QA processing if the body parts are complete and this is when he'd give them instant souls, then these souls would carry with them the beauty they've been molded into and plant themselves in the soon-to-be-mommys' womb. Weird way of thinking eh?
Anyhow, to end this explanation, for sure you all may think of me as shallow and unrealistic but to each is own right?

*note: I, myself, don't find pretty so judge me any way you may want, it's a free world where expressive thoughts can be scrutinized and not be given a damn about.

Resolutions and To-Do's for 2009

2009-01-09T09:36:14Z

My 2009 Resolutions

try to limit my smoking, hopefully quit
Cut back on booze especially beer
Eat healthy, no more junk foods or Fried foods, remember sensitive tummy.
No more procrastinating
No more being Lazy
Learn to say NO
Learn-to-budget
Be more organized and responsible

My 2009 To-Do List

Thrift more and invest on clothes worth spending on
Join a NGO and do community work
Learn how to sew and make patterns
Write a book (this will be a compilation of various stories and highlights of my teenage years. I'm collaborating with my close friend aubrey on this)
Lose 25 pounds
Be more inclined to arts and illustrations {note to self: do what you love most)
Find a new job and make sure I love it this time
Put aside at least 3k each payday
Go to a place by myself and sole search on my own
Hit the beach with friends this year

So far, so good these are the ones I've thought of doing and resolving for my 2009. I ended 2008 unwell, sick but not unhappy so this year better be a thriving one for me.

2008: A blast!

2009-01-07T11:04:52Z

A lot has happened since my last entry I have to say. From a depression state to spending my New Year with a terrible tummy ache and hailing in the new year with a confinement at the hospital is not an amiable sight for a girl like me surrounded with hot male nurses and doctors! I swear it was one of the most horrible hospital experiences for and the best as well! The doctors in were so hot, it seemed omnibus because these are doctors that are HOT!! Anyhow, I was confined with a seriously bad case of gastro-intentritis and diarrhea, so people out there please do eat on time, stay away from foods that are unclean or half-cooked because I'm telling you if you have a weak stomach like mine you'll go mad with the pain.
Anyway, it's a new year, 2009. I had a thriving 2008, there were a bunch of heartbreaks and crazy events but some good ones even came out of it so basically it had been a good year for me.

My 2008

January
I was still with bernard and I spent most of my days drowning myself on my plates and thesis. This was when my stress levels were hitting and swooping way over the roof!!

February
This was the month of my thesis deliberation which I nailed and sadly during the process of my success I realized I didn't love bernard as much.

March
The month of booze and celebration! This was also the month I fell deeply in-love with niel, let me remember the date March 22, 2008. Econo Inn, tagaytay. Driving, listening to eheads and drinking beer at the same time. Hot kisses afterwards, sigh. All i can ever say is, those were the days.

April
I was suppose to leave for dubai and break-up with bernard. I didn't want to leave because of niel and basically broke it off with bernard only to know that I wasn't gonna leave and found out that he had a new chic waddling off with their fug faces. Graduation as well for me!! I love graduating on time!! Job interviews after job interviews, awgh!

May
My first job ever! Affinity Express, basically spent time at work drowning myself with more knowledge

June
Work and lost my fone-actually stolen. I joined Fitness first that month which turned out to be a buster.

July
Worked-out like mad and shopped like crazy! Drank and Drank my nights away!

August
Quit Fitness because I fouund out they were scamming me, started losing weight as well.

September
B-day Girl!! Met joseph and a few people, francis as well. turned out to be a fling-whirlwind romance which I absolutely regret!

October
Met Miguel, lost track of francis and started dieting like mad

November
My first date with miguel and was hooked on him since then! Ate like a slob and got addicted to shoes and ukay

December
My friend ralph died, very tragic. Miguel and I became an item. I told off niel that I absolutely regret sharing with him my feelings and being hooked on him since march. Awgh! I love a good bitchy comeback! Got confined at the hospital hailing -in the new year!! Swell for me!

A lot of craziness had happened but it all turned out swell, Yes, I admit I'm not the perfect person, I slept around with a couple of men in my life and made out with a couple but lets not be judge-mental. No one is effin' perfect, once a mistake is made then just charge it to experience. No harm in doing so, eh? So this 2009 I have everything jotted down things that have to be done because I for one need to make this 2009 worth my while! Will be posting my 2009 must-be-done list and resolutions as well I guess. Cheers!!