Sticky Post
You are a super woman! Reach for the skies and hold on to those stars meant for you.
salute and good morning to my fellow bloggers, 2007-2008 has been a tremendously crazed transition in my life, from gradually surviving sleepless, stressful, brain-throbbing (excuse me with my vocabulary, i tend to make them up), anticipating-to-graduate-eagerness and eye puffing nights finally ended on the 4th of April, 2008 with me rising to the stage and accepting the pledge of a thomasian graduate embracing herself into the professional world of advertising and design. Graciously scavenging for a job, i tottered through various websites, peddling my resume and portfolio in order to apply for a position as a graphic designer and what-not, graciously (of course professionally) charming my interviewer with my wit and mature attitude to prove to them that i am able to benefit their company with my perseverance and commitment.
Well, the plan worked but the offers were too low so i simply had to decline and poorly excuse myself with a phrase of, “i don’t think i can accept the job, i might be leaving the country, I'm sorry to disappoint you though, thank you for the offer...good day” obviously being polite and directly forward always works, (even when it’s a white lie). Hmmm....since the start of 2008,
- i became a huge alcoholic drinker
- broken it off with my b.f, yes bernard and i are no longer a couple
- many confusing thoughts dwelled on my mind
- graduating
- meeting and socializing with homo sapiens
- lost and gained weight, eating healthy, falling for the wrong men
- learning the feeling of rejection from someone that i found as my equal
- got kilig over certain chances
- starting to love myself more (of course, it’s a must for everyone)
- dating myself
- getting in touch with the inner fashionista in me
- being more in control over my emotions
- last but not the least, a job that i can proudly say i’ve fully earned.
i asked myself one day, can i eagerly be with a guy that make act like a man in certain areas but be a boy considerably over every single issue that dangles in front of his face? i want a relationship that can grow and blossom, wherein giving and taking is not an issue and love is the most important part of the whole shindig. period . i may have felt commitment from bernard and love, but anger and irritation most of the time, hearing my phone ring 20 times a day, a space that is suppose to be mine is no longer private but eroded with various questions such as, are you cheating on me? tell me the truth if you still love me?
then it happened, i found myself drifting from him tremendously regretting it after a while but am now accepting that it was a memory worth sharing and learning from. i can say that i’m still in-love with bernard because i can’t, i don’t know if love is still the answer to solve the matters of the heart that I'm feeling right. Regret however maybe another issue because i never gave it a chance to try again, i can admit that i miss the intimate moments we had, the laughs we had, how he made me laugh whole-heartedly, his family, his cute gesture whenever he told me he loved me but that seems to be all so vague now.
Acceptance is the hardest part of breakups though, accepting the fact that the person you’ve built an imaginary future with finally erases it and says,”i’m moving on, i love someone else and i’m happy because she can give me everything i wanted, you didn’t and now you want me back, i don’t want you anymore, i can’t be with you” i know i was the one that broke it off and put the end to the relationship because of certain drastic reasons like my confused feelings for someone that rejected me afters and the meddling question of, “am i going to find someone better or will this immature relationship with bernard still keep me grounded even when i want to soar high?” I can at least say that i was a happy person who felt loved when i was with him, but now that i’m not i’m still happy, even though i may feel lost at times because i was so used to having him around, but still i became a better and responsible person now that i finally learnt and found myself. I’m not that drastic anymore when it comes to my priorities, i don’t spend my money on cabs or food for him, i finally got to buy and wear the clothes i wanted to for soo long and also found myself being a grown woman out of the break-up.
It’s definitely true, the saying, “ if a door closes a window opens..” something like that, anyways my relationship with bernard may have ended but at least i became a better person out of it, finally finding myself busy as a working-professional, i am definitely proud of myself. But, i am still the same natalie though, still bitchy, witty, crazy, insane, passionate and friendly person that i was before, only better. hahaha, at least i can say (this is my bitchy part) that i don’t need to continuously shift from relationships to another to feel love, bernard right now is with a girl that he says he loves (yea as if, it’s all about sex puh-lease!) who in her part is so ugly compared to me, i mean, hello i’m gloriously gifted with fair white complexion, acne-free face, wide brim smile, beautiful hazel-brown eyes, rose lips, cute nose and stark dark brown hair be compared to a girl that may have humungous juggs and a vagina that is the size of the grand canyon due to numerous fuck-buddies be an insult to me? exxcccuuussseee meee!! i take compliments from people that actually know how to judge class from trash! and how dare they sneak behind my back even when i was on the verge of breaking the relationship off was still wrong!!! I hope bernard gets a sickness from his disgusting g.f!! a wise description of a bakekang nose, dark skin, braces wearing, big lips like toad’, thick eyebrows and tiny eyes be compared to me, hello?! she can’t speak english right for sure!! i bet you that the trinity student called krisha a.k.a bernard’ ice-cream (yea right what’s her flavour? dark chocolate!! hahaha) be a comparison to me a thomasian graduate that is capable of holding a candle against that antagonistic bitch be better than moi?! i doubt it!!! i basically plan on letting bernard realise what a big-ass mistake he made by working doubly hard and becoming even gorgeous that he’d eat his words and beg me back!! (which of course i wouldn’t accept because i’d simply crave for the contentment of him being sorry)
Well, i’ll be blogging more about my mishaps and great victorys each day by keeping everyone updated with my up-do’s in life!! till now, i gotta get back to work!! *sigh* it feels good blogging again!! XOXO
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